My Question to Motherhood

After almost four years of being a mother, it all boils down to this question for me: How do I maintain my passion for Life, my quest for an authentic Life, and make the peanut butter and jellies everyday?

It’s easy to get consumed by all the other questions too, like, should I co-sleep, vaccinate, give her Tylenol or let the fever drop naturally?  Nowadays, we question everything.  And it’s been an awakening for me because while I’ve allowed myself to follow my instincts and do away with the “shoulds,”  I still find myself wanting to do it all perfectly.

But oh yeah- turns out I’m not perfect. If there’s anything children come here to teach us, it is just that!  They are our medicine…showing us the meaning of acceptance and surrender.  When the infant is crying and we don’t know how to soothe her, when the toddler is tantruming and we don’t know how to handle it, when life is just plain not working the way we want it, our children give us the opportunity to access pieces of ourselves we didn’t know existed.

It’s up to us.  We can see the opportunity or the problem.  We can resist or we can accept our circumstances as they are right now.  And meanwhile, we can give ourselves permission to take our own “time out” or we can easily lose ourselves in the mess.  In the constant sweeping around the highchair, in the run around or in the boredom.  In the all day, everyday, beautiful giving we give.

I want to be present with my daughter without a loss of my Self.  I want to check in with my Self everyday.  It’s as if I just want to say hello, “I know you are still there.”  I give myself this gift- the slowing down, the space in which to re-member my true Self, and that becomes a gift to my daughter.  A mother who takes care of herself.  A mother who can make the peanut butter and jellies and put together a thoughtful blog, who can perform the mundane and maintain a zest for life.

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