Yesterday I wolfed down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich like a rabid raccoon. I was wanting to get back to my alone time as quickly as possible. Mind you, I was alone (and thank goodness or someone would’ve seen me down that sandwich in 2 point 2 seconds). But you see, when my daughter is away and the house is quiet, I like to do the nourishing things I can’t do when she’s around, and for me, that means meditating and writing, not eating. Cause I can eat when she’s home.
That’s my thinking. But there’s a small flaw, as usual. I stood there gorging without even noticing the taste of peanut butter mixed with the new raspberry jam on honey wheat. I saw myself as if I were watching a movie. “Look at what I’m doing!” I thought. I’m missing the whole point again. I even co-wrote a book about slowing down, and yet sometimes Life hands you a big ole PB& J to remind you.
I have this old habit of thinking things have to look a certain way. And I have to remind myself that in every circumstance, I can find the unexpected. Two years ago, I resented the PB& J’s. I felt I’d been pummeled by PB& J’s. The mundane drove me insane but more than that, I’d lost my connection to my Self. And there I was- hadn’t I chosen to stay-at-home? Hadn’t I chosen PB& J’s over returning to teaching in the classroom? Oh yes, I’d actively participated in every decision, so where was I?
I re-membered my Self, like Humpty Dumpty put himself back together again. I don’t know how he did it, but I choose to slow down, to create a space where I could tend to my Self. And here I am. If you’ve read my blogs, you know that this nurturing of Self led to a re-centering and a re-connection to my home, to the world- to seeing the whole world as my home. I wrote recently about the Women’s Movement and how our work now is in finding our real and authentic way to be in the world. Where before I thought I needed to be “out there” doing something, I see that being “in here” is doing something. A new Movement is happening in our own homes, in our conversations, in our present-ness to ourselves and to our children. We are shifting the world in a real way- right there with peanut butter and jellies in our hands.
I just have to remember that.