A Mother Questions

Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart

And try to love the questions themselves.

Six years ago, when I was pregnant with my daughter, I was naturally living in the fluidity of playing with questions, similar perhaps to how my unborn baby played in the very fluid of life.  I wondered: What if my child chose me?  What if she has something to teach me?  What if this experience of pregnancy and birth is full of potentiality?

Today, as my five year old attends summer camp, and I sit and read and reread the poet Rainer Maria Rilke’s words, I am struck by how much I understood about life during those nine months when my daughter and I swam in the deep, deep waters of life.

Do not seek the answers that cannot be given you

Because you would not be able to live them

And the point is to live everything

Today I wanted answers, I was lacing up my running shoes to resume my relentless chase toward solutions.  You see, my mind really enjoys figuring things out, and most of my life I’ve let this solution-izing mind of mine lead me toward some finish line.  Today, I had to slow down, I had to quit the race and re-enter the natural flow and pace of a life lived with heart.  I sat still in my backyard and remembered everything…And the point is to live everything…live like you’re pregnant, just allowing life to flow through you.

Pregnancy is a tender and powerful time.  As our soft and round bellies grow, the world grows softer and rounder, more pliable, less exact.  As our bodies stretch and expand, so too does our consciousness.  Our babies invite us to grow along with them.

Live the questions now

Perhaps you will gradually without noticing it

Live along some distant day into the answers

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