Supporting the Emergent

I would like to live like a river flows carried by the surprise of its own unfolding.

-John O’Donohue

 

Sitting in my inbox is an email reminding me that it is time to renew this website domain.  It sits also in my mind pressing me to confront questions that have been forming during the near six months since my last post.

The tagline for this blog, supporting the emergent, is the impulse behind my inquires:  Is it time to let go of the way I have done my work in order to support what wants to emerge?  Is something longing to come that needs a new kind of space to live and grow?

This blog has served an important purpose- it has given me a structure through which to share my insights and the writing of each post has been a nourishing act.  Now I sense its purpose complete.  Like the weeds working their way through the rocks in the path, I am tentative yet convicted that my writing in the form of this blog has come to a close.

I can not say what is wanting to emerge nor do I have a plan for how my work ought to take shape, but I can say I trust in the ever emergent journey of life and that despite my fears and limitations, I am wholeheartedly open to the creative flowing through me and taking the form it wishes to take in the world.

This website will stay live for now but as the river flows, who knows?

I have learned, as every good doula knows, sometimes the easiest thing is the hardest thing to do- nothing except hold the space for new life to come.  I’ve been occupying a state of extreme nothing-ness and it can feel really scary.  Now I’m sipping my tea watching the northeast winds fling brown and yellow leaves from the mulberry tree with nothing more to do.

Living my wild life

I once had an intuitive tell me that I would not be happy unless I was living a wild life.

HELL YEAH,” I thought, even while my life was sweet and conventional, the way I’d always played it, safe.

The off-ness of the comment confused people, they just couldn’t match it up with the person they saw in front of them.

But it wasn’t off to me.  It was right on.  And I knew it.  In fact, receiving those words was like diving into a warm sea of recognition.   When for so long I’d been fine, just fine, on the shore in my self-constructed, hurricane-proof house.

And then came the pain from wanting to be seen, to feel my self alive.  To escape on a boat and rock it so severely that I’d fall into the embrace of those warm waters that loved me.  I thought an escape was necessary.  Until I realized- I didn’t want to leave my life, I wanted to show up for my life!  I needed to be seen with my own two eyes.

It is mightily uncomfortable to allow pain to wash through me and flood all the structures that keep me safe.  Oh but the insights and gifts that flow through that wash!  And then the greatest, most unexpected one of all: this water that washes loves me too.  It sees me, adores me, and moves me.

My wild life was begging to be born.  Wild, creative energy ready to be released.

And slowly, ever ever so slowly, I was no longer on my knees in supplication but on my knees in glorified gratitude and grace, prone in the green grass hugging me, holding me.

Alive.

With more than a pulse, with the breath of God flowing through me.

It’s wild.

From the outside, nothing looks all that different (yet), I create my wild life every day here and now in the sacred spaces I cultivate, becoming as liquid as the water that drives nature and swallows up hurricane-proof lives.

At the ready for transformation.

I am enthralled by where the flow will go.