inner life – Carrie Lee Ferguson

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August 4, 2020

Transforming Homemaking

“My life feels so small,” I said. “Calling your life small is the trick of the ego. Anything that takes you out of the present moment is a trick of the ego,” came the reply. It was during a weekly appointment with Bobbie Jo, a life transitions coach, and I sat there, uncomfortable. I didn’t think it was my ego urging me toward more. I knew there was a wildness, deep and infinite and good, inside of me wanting to have a place in the world. How could I possibly reconcile my wildness and my domesticity? I was dying to know. My homemaki[...]

Homemaking

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July 14, 2020

Is something the matter, mom? time to create your own version of “good Mom”

I am walking on fifth street, the road that intersects the street where I live. Down a block, back a block. Elle is one year old and she is in the Ergo pack, attached to my chest. Each step I take is a bounce. I am trying desperately to lull her to sleep. I have not slept in a couple of nights, since the ear infection began. I am bone tired but I am singing. I am enslaved to this tiny master, I will do anything for her. This is so f***ing hard, but I will admit it to no one. I won’t say, This is so f***ing hard. I’ll say, “Elle has an ear[...]

Homemaking

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January 27, 2020

Patience: It’s about Milestones

“All the way across! You did it!” I laugh. “Elle, you did it!” She was not quite five. She wore a t-shirt with a picture of kittens on it, a white skirt with gray capri’s underneath; socks, no shoes. We were at the park. It was before the play-equipment was replaced, and so the monkey bars were still there—eight, thick yellow bars from one perch to the other. I watched her little body swing and sway, eyes focused on the next rung, feet hovering high above the sandy bottom. She went from one end to the other, one motion of her arms at a time. [...]